The Epic Story of Amber

This is Amber. I share my life with her and we are married in the spiritual sense, but not in the state sense. Confused? Join the club our families are in. We have our reasons.
We were married on Friday the 13th. Quite a few people were weirded out by this. Everyone thinks 13 is such an unlucky number because... well, because someone told them it was. It's not unlucky for us. I especially like to watch how differently people act when it is Friday the 13th. Their whole attitude changes because of a day on the calendar. Silliness.
We met at a gas station I was working at after I got out of jail. She walked in with a guy and another girl. Amber and the guy seemed pretty close, so I assumed they were dating each other. She went to the bathroom and he came up to buy some soup. I asked him if the girl he was with was his girlfriend, as I was going to compliment his taste. He replied by saying, "No, no she's not. Did you want her phone number?"
Needless to say, she was a bit taken aback. Who does that sort of thing? She did agree, however, that I could call her.
I promptly lost her number. I don't know how. I was honestly excited about talking to her. It just... wasn't there in my pocket suddenly. I was pretty pissed. Not as pissed as she was though.
She walked into the gas station some weeks later. I had, from time to time, lamented about my miserable luck to friends. How could I lose her number? So stupid of me. I lose everything, I know, but HER number? shit. But then, yes, she walked back in. I didn't even think. I just pointed at her and boomed, "YOU!" She took a long look at me and said, "Are you the one that was supposed to call me? Why didn't you?!"
She didn't even remember what I looked like. It wasn't even that she liked me. She was just offended that I didn't call her after all that drama the first time I saw her.
Her not being attracted to me was a reoccurring theme. We talked on the phone and she would remind me how she wasn't interested in dating. But the conversations went well... until the psycho ex-girlfriend came into the picture.
Ever had one of those? If you have, you know how this goes. If you haven't, avoid it at all costs. So, the ex breaks into my PARENTS house. I was living there, I was just out of jail. She sees Amber's number on my bulletin board, takes the number, calls her, threatens her and then comes to my job to brag about it. I wonder what the hell she was thinking. Did she think my reaction would be something along the lines of, "Wow! You did?! That's awesome! Let's screw!"
Because it wasn't. I did what I was supposed to do and what I never did before. I let the cops handle it. Bye bye, psycho.
Amber stopped returning my calls though. I thought that was it. I went through 6 months of being alone because I don't date girls to just date them. I wait.
My mom told me one night there was a message on the answering machine for me. I kind of hear her, but she's always going to be my mom, right? There's that mom-filter on my hearing that tones out a third of what she's saying. Usually it has more to do with housework, but whatever. I check the message and sure-as-shit, there's Amber. She's moving to Madison (she was in Wisconsin Rapids before) and she doesn't know anyone and would I want to hang out? Does the pope wear a funny fuckin' hat? Hell yes, I want to hang out.
So we did. She didn't recognize me again. I recognized her. Let me say something here. Amber has this... something. I don't know what it is, but for me, she's got it. It's this way she has of talking and smiling and liking the things I like, and hating the things I hate. It's her hairstyle and her size and her shape and her smile and her eyes. The thoughts that constantly run through my head slow to a minimum when I look at her. Even when she's angry, especially when she's angry, she's beautiful. Ok I said it. We can move on.
We went to Hooter's the first time we hung out. Her roommate worked there and... whatever. I didn't like her roommate. But her roommate, in a rare act of coolness, asked if I was coming over to the house for a beer afterwards. I said yes. Which meant Amber and I ended up at her apartment together, drinking a beer. The rest of the night we... played cards.
We were just friends for like a month. That's not a lot for some people but for me that was like the rise and fall of the Roman Empire. We had good times, but I wanted to have better times. You know what I mean.
I finally did get a kiss though. We always had this thing when I was leaving at night. We would do "fist love" which was just the pound or whatever. You know where you bump fists with another person. Then I would walk out her door. Go home. One time though, I could tell. It was my shot. I kissed her. And Amber being Amber who would say things to me like "You're kind of like mold. You're growing on me," kisses me, steps back and looks at me. She then says "That just messed everything up."
Turns out it didn't. At least not for me. We've been together ever since. We bought a house, got married (in a sense), got some dogs and just settled down. It's been good and it's been stable and it's surprisingly still pretty fresh and new.
If you made it this far, way to go. Now go do something ADD so you can even yourself back out and get all this crappy romantic stuff out of your head.